This week via the Manchester United team, I bring you scandal! Let me paint you a picture of the kind of hooligans this week’s Silver Fox has been involved in…
I mean… the face really says it all. Anyone who can contort their face as intensely as this man (at his age) deserves Silver Fox status. These Foxes just keep getting more and more international. EN FUEGO I say, en. fuego.
Here’s the top 10 of my personal favorites:
….Let me tell you, 10 was HARDLY enough to cover it. Google the man for yourself. Pick your favorites. FOX ON.
There are some fashion faux pas that make guys completely undateable.**
Escuchame, I may be able to help you. Women will judge you on how you look in the first 10 to 15 seconds they see you. If you’re dressed like a fool, you already lost out. The only thing that might be able to save you now is beer googles, but let’s be serious; once those wear off you’re right back where you started. So-lo.
Chinese takeout for one, please? Oh, awkward you gave me two chopstick sets thinking I’d have someone to share this with….. but yet, I am alone.
BUT WHY? It could be the way you look. I’ve posted about this before. So here are some other things you need to avoid at all times and definitely at all costs.
Wear Ed Hardy in public, ever, for any reason. I don’t care how Jersey you think you are. NO EXCUSES. Especially if it’s a *shudder* man tank.
Sport super-baggy oversized jeans. If I see this I’m going to pants you. And it’s going to be completely non-sexual and highly embarrassing. You’ve been warned.
Wear a shirt tighter than that girl you wish was your girlfriend.
….I can see your nips.
Go out in mandals, ever.
Wear jean shorts. This is not the 80’s and you look like a douchebag.
Terrible sneakers = you’re sleeping alone tonight. …again.
Sport bad facial hair. Lip fur is an instant deal breaker, every single time.
Bad haircuts PAIRED with terrible facial hair.
Now, re-access, go fourth and womanize! I’m in your corner, rooting for you. Change is possible.
** Yes, I realize “undateable” is not actually a real word in the English language but has that stopped me before? No, the answer is a resounding and ear piercing NO.
Mr. Bond, you are my pick for the Silver Fox of the Week. Do you accept your title with honor? HOTTUHH. I could fill this post with horrible “bond” and “007” puns, but for once I think I’m going to spare all of you and just fill this bad boy with fox pictures. Mr. Brosnan’s silver foxiness really speaks for itself. I am, for once, speechless. And also jet-lagged…. sad face.
…. Hot face.
Oh boys, look what I found! Having trouble finding that perfect cougar? No need to trouble yourself further; look what I just discovered whilst researching on the interwebs for Man Wednesday ….. Cougar Life! A dating website specifically designed for younger men who are cougar hunting. Sign up, bag a cougar.
You. Are. Welcome.
I haven’t seen The Kings Speech yet, but my Mom talks about it like it’s going out of style so I better get on it because at this point I basically know the whole movie scene for scene anyway without having even watched it. I suspect she may have a crush on Mr. Firth herself. What a minx. Can’t blame her, he’s a looker, and from what I’ve seen of him in his other movies: Love Actually, Shakespeare in Love, A Single Man, etc. he is also quite the actor. Imagine that.
His wife is one mucho suerte mujer:
Emotionally conflicting when a man can make mutton chops look good:
Until next week fox lovers. Adios.
*Note, I added the pink myself. Charmed, I’m sure. I think it gives author John a classy touch, no? The rest is his delightful email to me word for word. He makes some good points about whiny females. Read on, ladies (and men).
Hello women and gays of the world wide web! For this entry, masochist Margo & slob Sarah have asked me to write a two part “Man Wednesday” piece on (a) What all women do that men hate, and (b) Things women do on first dates that kill their chances. Before we embark on this mystical journey, otherwise known as my erratic, deviant rants, please understand two things: (1) I forgot to write this piece on time and therefore had to wake up at 4:30 to write it before work under the threat of getting “the look” from Marge and Sarah – so please be empathetic if the sentence structure is subpar or my thought processes are not clearly explained. (2) I almost never date, but in order to not look pathetic, I will feign experience and pretend to know what I’m talking about.
Actions of the Softer Sex… That the Harder Sex Despises
- Be Nice: I can’t think of anything that annoys me more than having to put up with a legitimate bitch, I mean honestly – nothing comes off more smutty than a lady on her high horse (not literally.. Marge) who goes out of her way to put others down. This is a fairly all-encompassing statement, which covers anything from a bitch calling someone fat to all the bitches who told me I’m not attractive… I mean seriously, I was a child model. Ugh, bitches….
- We Don’t Want to Listen to Your Feminist Rants: I am all for equal rights and all that jazz, but I do not want to hear your opinion about women’s suffrage at a bar or party. Also, please look up “suffrage” in a dictionary before you start shouting “End Women’s Suffrage” in front of others, because I’ve seen it and it makes you look like an idiot.
- Body Sizes: To reiterate what our gym teacher told us during 6th grade sex-ed, we all come in different shapes and sizes. Ladies, to put it bluntly, some are underweight, some are of average weight, and some are overweight. If you are underweight, do not… I repeat, DO NOT run around claiming to others that you’re fat as a desperate plea for attention or peer support: it makes you look pathetic. If you’re of a healthy/average weight – good on you. If you’re overweight, know it, accept it, hell – who cares, be proud of it. But it appears as if a higher ratio of larger ladies (compared with non-larger gals) run around inciting drama, fellating guys they just met or are just seem ashamed of themselves… cheer up! And on a side note, just a word of advice (not from personal experience): tugging random Johnsons is not going to improve your self-esteem.
- Cat Fights: Classless and annoying… cut the shit, ladies.
- Sexual Intercourse: I’ll save this topic for a later date
- This is certainly debatable – but I believe that guy should be paying for the bill (on the first couple dates AT A MINIMUM), so don’t put up a fuss or make a scene.
- Don’t put out on the first date, because we will, I repeat we WILL fornicate with you. But will literally have almost no respect for you.
- If you’re on an actual date – do you think getting shithoused is appropriate if you’re actually attempting to impress someone? This is obviously more applicable for the male arena, but I’m sure there are a couple of lushy ladies reading this. If you are one of said lushy lady, please seek help (cough cough Margaret & Sarah).
That is all for this Man Wednesday – I rushed it at the end because I’m running late for work (that’s what she said), see you all next week.