Object #1: Louboutin Pigalle Spiked Flats (as pictured above), $995. A swift kick to your assailants groin and it’s all over. They never stood a chance. Any angle will work in these as they’re completely spiked from toe to heel. You may also consider the Louboutin Clou Noeud Spiked Platform as an alternative to the flats if you’re looking to add some height and subtle bowed cuteness to your look. They’re last season so they’re a steal at $268 on CoutureHardware.com.
There is an age old battle in a woman’s shopping world of functionality vs. style. More often than not we opt for style and throw functionality out the window because hey, it looks amazing and it doesn’t matter that it’s not practical in the slightest. $10,o00 for a gorgeous Chanel dress made out of mesh and strategically placed sequins? Where do I swipe my AMEX? IT’S COUTURE and I need it. This constant dilemma got me thinking, why can’t we have both? Surely luxury accessories can be more than just one trick ponies! And so, I bring to you: Luxury accessories that double as weapons. Should you need protection in the dark alleys of your seedy city streets, I’ve got your back AND your front. Just don’t go cray-cray and start attacking people, alright? These are for self defense only.
Object #2: Silver Spike Necklace by Laura Lombardi Jewelry at Etsy.com. With this shiny and threatning gem on your neck, nobody is coming near your cleavage. Safety first. This necklace could also double as a form of reliable birth control. No man will touch or even come near you in this. Not tonight, pal. Can’t you see I have my chastity necklace on?
Object #3: Alexander Wang Coco Duffle, $850 ELuxuryCity.com. Bam, right to the face. That thief does not want your money anymore…. and they’ve probably got a black and blue face. Protection success.
Object #4: Sterling Silver Two Finger Ring by Sabrina Silver, $75 at Amazon.com. Brass knuckles may be illegal, but this silver stunner sure isn’t. Consider it your nose crusher for any desperate situations that may arise.
Object #5: A studded belt by Zyfashion at SupplierList.com, Price on Request. That guy just tried to creepily grab your waist on the dance floor and now his hands are bleeding. Tough break. Go get a band-aid you sexual predator.
Object #6: Chain Bracelets by Janis Savitt. If you should ever find yourself in a hand to hand combat situation, use your arm and start swinging violently as a person might in the midst of a seizure. The more bracelets you layer, the heavier you’ll hit. Go for the money shot, ladies. $500 per Janis Savitt set at Bergdorf Goodman. Stay safe out there.