Jessica Simpson Tries Vertical Stripes, They Don’t Work

31 Mar

Sigh…where to begin? I can’t help but think that this is some kind of sick joke that WWD is playing on poor, simple Jessica Simpson. Even the headline that reads “Look at Me Now!” seems like a mockery; Jessica is a “big” woman and in THAT dress in front of THAT background (aka the super skinny photobombing mannequin), no one can really miss her. Now, I know that some of you might get annoyed at me for calling Jessica “big”. I understand that Jessica is happy with her body (and has no reason not to be) BUT, can’t she at least wear clothes that fit? There’s really nothing flattering about this dress; stripes of any kind aren’t supposed to warp over your boobs and hips like that, and when they do it makes you look bigger than you are (FACT).

this. looks. bad.

If Jessica had gone up a size or two, then maybe this would have been a cute ensemble but, alas…no such luck. I also think that a different, less “Toddlers in Tiaras” pose would have been a little bit more flattering for a woman with Jessica’s figure. Perhaps a token one-hand-on-hip pose or a happy peek-over-the-shoulder would have flaunted her curves rather than widening them. Bottom line, the editor that approved this shot is mean; he/she published this cover while imagining him/herself sitting at the popular table, laughing at all the “normies” and telling his/her friends that they absolutely MUST wear pink on Wednesdays.

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