Rihanna’s Magical Disappearing Shorts

29 Mar

image via Rolling Stone

I was originally planning a post about outfitting a maxi dress today but, the second I saw this picture of Rolling Stone’s new cover (featuring Rihanna) I knew that a post on this “outfit” would be much more…poignant. My personal hatred feelings about Rihanna aside, this outfit/photo is just awful. I don’t know whether to blame the powers at Rolling Stone or Ri-Ri herself for this fashion monstrosity. LORD KNOWS, Rihanna gets caught wearing this kind of tacky crap out on the street all the time. What’s most insulting to me, as a person that spends WAY too much money on magazines every month, is the fact that the styling done on this shoot was half-assed at best. A red bandana is not a bracelet unless you’re in the Bloods or are a cast member of Survivor (do they still do that?) and it’s pretty clear that the tank top Ri-Ri is wearing doesn’t fit since it’s obviously being held up by her awkwardly placed elbow. On top of all this, her red fro failure of a hair-do serves no purpose except to answer the question, “What would the Little Mermaid look like after accidental electrocution?”. I shudder at the thought.

And now we come to the shorts…

…if  you can even call them “shorts”. They’re really more along the lines of latex-painted mesh netting meant to appear as an average piece of denim (except shinier). No matter what the material, they look like something pulled from the set of a poorly produced shipwreck themed porno. In case you were wondering, that little gem of a script would go something like this:

“Oh Captian Wellhung, the sharks ate my jeggings and now my fabulously large booty is cold.”

“Don’t worry First Mate Rihanna, I can think of a few ways to warm you up.”

…and you can all guess how it continues from there. Needless to say, my opinion of this cover is less than favorable. In fact, the word disaster may have been used multiple times before editing. The world understands that Rihanna’s butt is much more notable than her singing, there’s really no need to shove it in our faces (literally). I think I can speak for all of us when I say: Give it a rest Rihanna, Chris Brown already knows what he’s missing, and he’s clearly VERY depressed about it.

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4 Responses to “Rihanna’s Magical Disappearing Shorts”

  1. Fashion Loving March 29, 2011 at 8:30 pm #

    I do agree the styling of the shoot was a little off for me

  2. Graffiti House March 29, 2011 at 9:49 pm #

    The shoot was a big question mark to me. Very well written and agreeable! I don’t know what she’s doing but she seems to be losing herself. No one pities her anymore, everyone thinks she’s crazy. And those shorts! she went from being awesome in fashion to being a hot mess.

    • Sarah March 30, 2011 at 2:16 am #

      Thanks so much for the input! I totally agree that Ri-Ri is loosing herself. I think she’s trying to create a persona, like Lady Gaga has, but lacks the team of dedicated designers, stylists, and make-up artists that form “Haus of Gaga.” Rihanna just isn’t prepared to be going so far out of her comfort zone.

  3. Margo March 30, 2011 at 2:51 am #

    Also her horrific fire red locks block out half the magazine title. Offensive, no? Tame the beast, RiRi.

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