A Few Things All Men Should Know:

16 Mar
  1. Real men know how to drive a manual car. Learn.
  2. We know when you’re lying. We just do. Ever hear of women’s intuition? Shit’s real, I promise.
  3. A woman without any female friends can’t be trusted. Those girls who have “guy friends” instead of girl friends have some crazy issues they need to work out. That’s why all the other girls she knows don’t like her. She’s probably a psycho who is constantly vying for male attention. Run. Quickly.
  4. Your shoes determine if you’re fashionable or not. Don’t wear your sneakers to the bar. I don’t care how white they are or if you just beer proofed them for maximum drinking safety. You look like a douchebag in them.
  5. If you’re in the dog house “I’m sorry” is not going to cut it. Flowers, a card, or a dinner will work in your favor.
  6. Women remember everything. Make a man calendar of dates you should remember.
  7. Don’t just buy your girlfriend some kind of jewelry every time there’s an anniversary or birthday. Expand your horizons. She wants to think you took time to buy something nice that she wanted, not just picked something shiny because it was easy and you know bitches love diamonds.
  8. Be spontaneous. Ladies eat that shit up. EVERY TIME. Surprise her with something nice. She’ll thank you later.
  9. Crazy cat guys are just as bad as crazy cat ladies. Get a puppy, you freak.
  10. Most women are unimpressed with guys who don’t take the lead. Take note. Bonus points.
  11. If you buy a girl drinks all night at a bar it doesn’t mean she’s going to sleep with you. Pick a better tactic. And thank you for the free drinks.
  12. Girls care how fit you are. Stay relative to your girlfriend’s level. If you have a beer belly and your girlfriend is a svelte 10, that’s an issue. (Shallow and harsh, but true). Hit the gym for yourself and your girlfriend.
  13. Don’t spray on enough cologne to kill a small animal when you’re going out. I want to see you from a mile away, not smell you.

…….. You’re welcome.

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3 Responses to “A Few Things All Men Should Know:”

  1. eenawes March 17, 2011 at 1:01 am #

    As the proud owner of a ‘Lifetime Man Card” and as someone with three sisters, I have the authority and experience to say, “Your shit’s spot on!” Consider me a new fan. Looking forward to future posts.

  2. Kristen March 17, 2011 at 3:55 am #

    “Get a puppy, you FREAK.”

    HAHAHA, love you two.

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